Christmastime is Here

Finally an update. I bombed my one and only exam but still pulled out a C in the class. I didn't even cry. I have been home since last Friday and will be here until the 30th. On the 31st I am heading to Nebraska with my boyfriend (it's feels weird saying that) to visit some of his friends for New Years'. It should be fun...and snowy!! It will be the most snow I've ever seen probably.

My first semester at seminary went well and I have plans for next semester to be better. I may play on some intramural teams and I will definitely have specific time each day to spend on school work, rather than doing it all last minute.

God has been working in my life over the past several months in lots of different ways. I am not perfect and don't have things figured out by any stretch of the imagination, but I see many places where he is changing me. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that he chooses to use me, love me, and forgive me even when I make bad choices or say mean things or just sleep half of my days away.

I am enjoying my break and look forward to having more time off. I hope everyone has a great Christmas!!

On a break...

I suppose I shall update again once the semester is over. Less than 2 weeks away!

I am home. I've been here since Thursday. I am, of course, staying at my parents'. It is not my home, nor is Shelbyville. My home is Snyder Court or Sitting Bull Crossing. My home is Murfreesboro. Being in Shelbyville for an extended period of time is hard for me. I've stayed gone a lot so far, and tomorrow we leave for Gatlinburg. If I get a home (house or apt) in KY, my parents said they wouldn't move my furniture for me. Oh well...I know Richie will help me get the stuff to KY, and I have friends in KY who will help me move it in. I just want a home. I was excited for the holidays, but now not so much. Something about here feels cold and lonely. That could be for several reasons that have nothing to do with my family. Whatever the reason, being here depresses me. Don't tell my mom or she will yell at me and say I'm just trying to hurt her feelings.

On a happier note, it's been great seeing all my friends!! And of course, I've seen my favorite cousins except for CJB. I have stayed busy trying to see everyone.

I head back to school on Saturday from Gatlinburg. I'll be happy to be back and wrap up the semester. I have a lot to do!

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

*Yawn*

I'm ready to graduate and/or move. Perhaps online classes would solve my predicament? Or maybe (and most likely) I just need a break.

God is Able

This is from my friend Erika's blog:

Johnny Bare

April 1990. We moved in at 894 Irma Drive.
That's when I met the Bare family.
Jodi specifically. We are close in age.

So many memories.

Almost 20 years.

Johnny Bare is 57 years old. He recently retired early.
He & his wife, Barbara, sold their house of 30 years on Irma Court.
They moved to the Atlanta area. Roswell specifically.
Barbara's mom is 85 and in her final years. She wanted to help care for her.

With all their children grown, in stable marriages with stable jobs, their own lives, they packed up their life in Tennessee and moved 4 hours away.

John just bought a boat. He's always loved to fish.

He, his wife & sister in law/Barbara's sister, Patsy, took the boat out on the lake Sunday. November 8th. I wonder if they ever thought they'd retire and move away to GA. Enjoying their 'golden years' together.

After spending some time at the lake, they prepared to leave. John collapsed. Unconscious.

Several years back, I remember him having a brain tumor. It was inoperable.

John suffered a stroke that day. They found bleeding around his brain. He has paralysis on his right side, he's unable to speak & aspirates on liquid.

The doctor has said the damage is permanant.

John is aware of what is going on. He cried when the speech therapist tried to work with him. He cried when the doctor said the stroke was severe and the damage is permanant. He cried when his children came into the room.

He expected a new life. A life of relaxation, leisure. Whatever he wanted to do.

This whole situation makes me so sad.

Since being in the hospital, he's had an MRI showing the bleeding has stopped. He had some swelling as well but that has since stopped. He has experienced some discomfort. He is only able to take liquid tylenol at this time. He sleeps alot. His blood pressure has been unstable. They feel it could be from over-stimulation. He's also had a fever but that has stabilized.

I know when your parents are in such a situation, you feel like you have to be the strong one. They have 3 children. Jessica, Josh & Jodi. I know that they must be feeling overwhelmed. They must be wondering why they are going through this. I'm sure they're wondering where they go from here. How much of this is really permanant? What is life going to be like now?

I honestly don't see how people make it without the Lord. I'm so glad that this family has faith in God. They know where their help will come from. They know who to call on.

As long as there's breath, there's hope.

Miracle. John needs a miracle.

With God, ALL things are possible.

Stroke is just a word to God.

By His stripes, we ARE healed.



Everyone who's reading this & believes in miracles that only come from a mighty, merciful, amazing God - please pray for this family. Pray for healing, strength, comfort & peace. Pray for the medical staff caring for him. Pray that this situation can be a testimony to unbelievers. God is more than able.

I hate that train...

There is a train that runs very close to our dorm. It's so loud. I really hate it.

In related news, I surely do not love living in the seminary bubble. It's a small school, so people assume that your business is their business. If you hang out with a member of the opposite sex, everyone assumes you like the person and/or that you are dating that person. Then they talk about it and come asking questions like they're your BFF. And then I snap on them. Yes. I let a girl have it and told her to stay out of my business. She still tries to invade my space and hug me and such. I am not a touch person. Seminary will be the death of me...or the person who keeps touching me.

Classes are going fine. I'm behind on reading, but I'll catch up sometime. I'm still not sure what path God is leading me down, as far as vocation. I'm having a hard time just "being" and waiting and trusting. I know what God has put in my heart, but I'm really confused and starting to get discouraged. This week has been kinda tough for me mentally and emotionally because of that. I feel out of place and a bit insecure. I will never be the quiet, sweet, pious woman that I feel pressured to be. I am not happy all the time. I rarely wear makeup and rarely wear anything besides jeans and a t-shirt. I am just myself, and I am so afraid that isn't good enough. I know, God made who I am and he wants to use me just as I am and all of that. I have tons of friends here who love me and tell me so ALL the time. I know all this. I'm just being human. I feel inadequate. I feel useless. I feel lonely. I feel like no one is ever going to want me. Will I ever feel any different? And if I can't get this all figured out, how in the world will I ever be able to minister to girls and young women?

Oh seminary

I'm not doing so well at posting. Things get so busy...or really, things stay busy. I never get caught up. I actually have a social life...imagine that! This past week was tough with lots of midterm stuff due, but it all turned out okay. I only cried once...that's pretty good for me. I am still enjoying classes. I'm getting closer to the girls on my floor, and I'm making some really, really good friends. I still feel weird when I remember that I'm in Kentucky, but I'm not hating it as much right now. It's weird I wasn't home for Amy's birthday today. I just realized that I've never not gone to a birthday dinner for her...or mom and dad. I'm glad I didn't think of that earlier or I would have been sad all day. I don't go home again until the Thursday before Thanksgiving. I get an entire week off school, and I can't wait! Until then, I will read, study, sleep, and hang with my friends.

A little update

Well...my weekend in TN was wonderful. I got to see everyone I wanted to see and got to spend some much needed time with my BCF Amanda. I think that made the whole weekend for me. I have been busy busy since getting back to school. Well...actually I've been hanging out a lot with friends and having a blast. The weekend at home renewed me so that I am able to truly enjoy being here in KY. I love my friends here. I haven't been getting my normal amount of sleep though because I've been pretty wired though I'm not sure why. I babysat tonight with one of my friends. It was nice to be around kids again. I miss my kids so much. This weekend is dedicated to homework. If it doesn't get done, I will fail. I have 2 big papers I need to do. I'm hoping to knock them out tomorrow. We'll see how it goes. I've been talking about writing them all week and still haven't started.

I hope things are going well for everyone. Until next time,

People drive me crazy

Ummm.......I am happy I am getting out of Kentucky Thursday-Monday. So. Very. Happy.

I'll be fine after I vent...

My stomach hurts. My head hurts. I got out earlier today for a trip to Target and Moe's in Lexington. I thought that would be a fun trip for me because I like doing that at home. First, the drive there was awful. The speed limit is 55 with red lights all down the highway and people decide to stop when they please, so you will be going full speed and have to slam on your breaks. I hate that. Next, their Target is so small! Not to mention being an opposite layout from my Target. I was so disappointed I almost cried. I went to Moe's and to cheer myself up I also went to Maggie Moos. There are some times that I really don't want to be here. Don't get me wrong, I love school. I love my classes and my friends. But I miss my Target, and my Publix, and my CVS, and my kitchen. I And I miss my friends. And Mboro. And my Rory. I miss my life. I miss working. I want to stay in school here...I just hate this part of Kentucky. Please pray for me. This doesn't feel like home at all. I really just want to be playing air hockey with Caleb, going to Sonic with Liz, watching a Preds game with Amanda, holding baby Rory...

Oh how far I have come!!

I made a B on a paper, and I am not the least bit upset. I've never made less than an A on a paper in my whole life. True story. I just feel like what I'm learning is more important than stressing over grades, so I'm doing enough to do okay. That doesn't mean I don't want to make A's. It means that I am not going to have anxiety just to make an A. Does that make sense?

This past week was kinda hard for me emotionally. I was missing my friends at home, the cafeteria food was awful, and the weather was (is) gross. I just wanted to climb in bed, pull the covers over my head, and sleep for days. I shared how I was feeling with my roommate, and I think that helped Friday to be a much better day. Plus, I got a home cooked meal last night. Oh the wonders of a good meal.

I now realize that coming to Kentucky was the first step in this new faith journey God has me on. He is challenging me constantly, and I feel myself pushing back often. I don't want to push back. I want to surrender. It's hard letting go of things, though. I don't mind sharing that I am probably going to go to a counselor while I'm here. Many, if not most, seminary students go to counseling at some point. I think that is wonderful. We are the people who are or will be spiritual leaders, and we need to be living in God's freedom and power. I don't mean to suggest that therapy is the only way to do that. I do think it is a good and helpful way to bring about emotional and spiritual healing. I have always known that seminary would not be a purely academic journey for me. I have prepared myself for the work that I know God must do in my life. Somehow I think that has ended with me putting up more walls than I had before. Please be praying that I won't be so afraid to fully surrender to God. Please pray that I will fully accept his love and forgiveness. Pray that I will walk in power and confidence that He gives me. Pray that emotionally I won't be a basket case through this whole process. I know God wants to transform me, and I want to be transformed.

Week 2

I have wrapped up 2 weeks of class. The past week was really busy with trying to catch up on reading and a quick trip home.

Classes are going well. My favorite so far is probably my youth ministry class. Every week I feel like I am learning information that is useful. I also like that teacher. The class is very interactive, and surprisingly I speak up in class. I'm not normally one to answer questions or converse with the teacher, but it's like I'm already talking before I realize that I don't like to talk in class.

I went home Thursday because I had an appt. with my dermatologist on Friday. Dang adult acne. Thursday I spent hours working on homework. Friday I did homework in the dr.'s office then headed off to KB's to visit with her, Jay, and Rory. Oh that Rory!! She is so precious, even if she did pass gas on me all day. She even "did a worship" for me (raised her hand in the air like she was worshiping). Oh...and she smiled. She was sleeping and stretching and a smile spread across her face. It was quite possibly THE cutest thing I have EVER seen. She loves me. I came back to school yesterday (Saturday) because I kept getting texts and fb messages from my friends asking when I was coming back. They all missed me...or so they said, lol. I was happy to get back and happy to see all the girls.

I must share with you coffee drinkers some new deliciousness I learned about last night. One of my friends here works at Starbucks so she gets free coffee beans all the time. Last night she was grinding the coffee and added cinnamon to it. She brewed a pot of the cinnamon coffee this morning so I poured myself a cup, added creamer, and BAM it tastes just like a cinnamon dolce latte from Starbucks. I had been wanting a Starbucks drink for forever but haven't made it there yet. Now, I don't have to go.

Alright, this is long enough. So far I am doing well at updating weekly. We'll see how it goes after this. I hope everyone has a great week. If you pray for me, I ask you pray that I will A) get caught up on homework B) not stress out about homework C) quit eating when I'm not hungry and D) get a good sleep schedule so I'm not tired all the time. Thanks! :)

Oh by gosh, by golly

I have so. much. reading. Yuuck! I need to get 18 hours worth of reading and note taking done before I go home on Thursday (I have a dr. appt. on Friday) so I will be all caught up. I planned on taking a short nap this afternoon, but it turned into a 3 hour nap. Ooops. I will just spend the rest of the evening reading/taking notes. It wasn't going so well earlier, and I got a bit discouraged.

I guess I should write a bit about life here in The Tucky. I live with a girl named Liz who is super nice and normal (that's always important...ha!). There are 2 other girls in my suite, and 5 other girls in the other suite on our side of the hall. I like them all, and we regularly eat lunch and/or dinner together. I have classes with several of them, too, so that is a big plus. Wilmore is a tiny town and is bascially just the seminary and the college. Speaking of the college...we have to eat dinner in their cafeteria. All dorm residents had to buy a meal plan, but the seminary cafeteria only serves lunch. So, any other meals have to be eaten at the college. The food is better there, so it's not a big deal. Anyway...Wilmore is about 10 minutes to a bigger town and about 20 to Lexington. So, everything is really close. I am very thankful for that! Luckily, the Target isn't too close to here, so I'm not tempted to go in randomly and spend money that I should be saving! :)

As far as school, I am taking 3 classes this semester (9 hours): Basic Christian Theology, Foundations of Youth Ministry, and Kingdom, Church, & World. My Basic Christian Theology is a TON of work, but we (my dorm mate Ashleigh and I) love, love, love our prof. I have a big paper and a bigger project in Foundations of Youth Ministry, but the weekly reading assignments aren't too bad. KCW isn't a hard class (even our prof. told us that). There are at least 6 girls I know in that class. We have to read books and write papers on them and do small group work. I think I will enjoy KCW a lot.

We all really like chapel. Usually the messages are so interesting and just plain good. The music varies from hymns to contemporary stuff. The hymns kinda rock my world because we use the United Methodist hymnal (we are a Wesleyan school), so I don't know a lot of them OR I've never sung the versions they sing. I like the hymns, though, and it's really cool to see people worshiping to both hymns and contemporary songs the same way.

I really really really like it here. I miss people from home (none more than Rory...oh my heart), but I know this is where God has placed me, and he has surrounded me with great new friends. I know you all have been praying for me. I appreciate it more than you know, and it has made my transitition here so much smoother. Plus, I got that scholarship! God is faithful, and He does provide!

I haven't felt like writing much until now because I had been so tired. I guess I finally got caught up on sleep and started feeling better yesterday. I will update as the semester goes along, at least once a week...if I'm not just swamped with homework. Thanks again for the prayers. I hope everyone has a great week.



PS: I took my nose ring out. I was afraid it had a cut or sore that I couldn't see (it did). AAAND it is just too dang hard to have a nose ring when you have allergies like I do. Makes for a hard time blowing your nose (tmi?)! :)

This stuff makes me mad too

Ok, so have you guys heard the story of the South African runner whose gender was questioned, so they made her take a "gender test?" It's really appalling. I just feel so bad for this woman. She's only 18!! I won't say more because I think this post from another blogger states how I feel quite well.

:)

Sooo...I got the scholarship! It's only $1000 per semester, definitely not full tuition, but I am still so happy!! God has provided just like I knew he would!

Labor Day

Happy Labor Day! I am spending a relaxing day in the dorm until time to go out this evening. Lots of the girls are reading in preparation for the first day of class tomorrow. Not me!! I don't have any assignments due tomorrow, so I'm definitely not doing any work. I don't even have my books, yet. Tomorrow is sure to be a busy day with class, chapel, and plenty of errands to run. I'm excited, I'm not gonna lie. I'm good at school, and I'm looking forward to getting back into a routine. I really like it here, but it's hard not to compare myself to the other people here and think I am not good enough to be here. I know everyone has a story and God uses anyone he chooses and no one is perfect, but I still feel inferior. I know this is where I am supposed to be, and God is going to transform me. I just have to learn to see myself the way he sees me.

I am a new student no longer

Orientation is over, and I am officially a seminarian. The last 2 days have been cram packed with events and information, but I think the new students as a whole have been so blessed. The professors prayed over us yesterday in the chapel service then came to lunch. My friends in the dorm and I keep talking about how welcome we feel here and how much the faculty seems to care. Over the 2 days we had a photo contest...whichever group took the best photos (1st, 2nd and 3rd place) got a prize. Our group got 2nd! We were pretty excited.

I am forgetting lots of things...oh yeah, the person who preached in chapel today used lyrics from David Baroni's song "Took Me Out of Egypt." I was so excited because I was like "HEY I KNOW WHO WROTE THAT!!!"

Yeah so I guess that's all for now. I'm sure I will remember more later.

I'm here!

I am in Kentucky and all moved in my dorm. I've been relaxing and getting to know the other girls on my floor. Orientation is tomorrow and Friday. I will update soon!

Packing

I hate packing, unpacking, and cleaning. I leave Monday and haven't packed the first thing. It will get done tomorrow, I guess. Lots and lots to do. Oooh...I need to defrost my mini fridge. I better do that tonight.

My face is broken out, and I am wearing my retainer. I feel 13.

Sorry for the randomness and scatter brained-ness of this post. I'm sure once I get to KY I will have much more to blog about.

Well........

I turned in my scholarship application. I am hoping I get the scholarship, but I am praying for God's will. He will provide, one way or the other. God is good! If you don't mind, please be praying, too. It's full tuition...FULL TUITION!!!! I will let you all know as soon as I know anything.

By the way, Rory is so absolutely precious that I can hardly stand it. I can't believe I'm moving 4 hours away from her. She is already a huge blessing to our family. I'm looking forward to watching her grow up, but I want her to stay little. I just love her!

Ok...

I'm ready to stop crying now.

I can't think of a good title

It's no secret that seminary is going to cost me a lot of money, and I have been trusting God to provide. I have already arranged to take out student loans and have trusted that God would help me pay them off once I got out of school. This afternoon, however, I got a notice to apply for the presidential scholarship. This scholarship covers tuition for my whole time at Asbury. The really amazing/exciting part about it is that normally the application for this scholarship is due in the Spring before your first semester. I missed that date because I did not apply for school until May. Now, for some reason, the date is September 1st!! God has provided me an opportunity that there was no chance of me having before. Please pray that I get this scholarship, if it is God's will. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I know either way God has already provided and will continue to do so. Pray, pray, pray!

I love that baby!

Have I told you lately that I love Rory? Because I do. I saw her again yesterday but didn't make it back today. I will hopefully see her tomorrow. They should be coming home from the hospital tomorrow afternoon. Man, I love that baby! She is so perfect and soooo good! I got to hold her quite a bit yesterday. She is the only baby that's ever made me cry (in a good way). If I hadn't been so young when Caleb (Amanda's son) was born, I'm sure I would have cried about him, too. It's great to have family you love, but it's GREAT to have family that you LOVE...and also like. I am so thankful for my aunt and uncle and Amanda, Caleb, Karen, Jay, and now baby Rory. I am so blessed!

Lorelai Ann

Karen had Lorelai yesterday at 2:40 p.m. She had to have a c-section, and they had to put her all the way under because the epidural wasn't working adequately. Karen woke up in a lot of pain. She was still hurting pretty bad last night. I haven't heard any updates today.

Lorelai, or Rory as we will probably call her, is beautiful! She has full cheeks and HEALTHY lungs!! That girl is loud! She screamed and screamed when they first brought her out, as they bathed and dressed her, and as they did nothing to her. She finally went to sleep. We got to hold her last night after Karen woke up. She is just precious! I love her, I love her, I love her! Congrats Jay and Karen!! Oh by the way, since Lorelai was born yesterday, she and her daddy have the same birthday! Fun, no?

I'll make the great escape...

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NASB)

My temptation is to trust in myself and choose other things over God, as you can see from my last couple posts. But, He has given me an escape. He has provided a way out, in more ways than one. It is my choice to escape or give in. As I said in my previous post, I am choosing God. Sometimes it physically hurts, but I know that is part of the process of growth and change. Thanks for the sweet comments some of you have left. I appreciate your prayers so much.

a better night

From an e-mail I sent a little bit ago:

ok, i am recovered from my feeling down today. i can choose to follow/trust/believe God, or i can wallow and be sad. following God is a daily decision, and sometimes a moment to moment decision...and i'm choosing God. I want God's will for my life. i want to have his desires. i know the kind of ministry where God is going to use me, and unless i start choosing Him now, choosing his truth, his will, his plan, He will never be able to use me. i want to walk in His power and His grace. i am forgiven, i am loved, i am worthy. these are all messages God has been saying to me for years, and they are the messages i have to live with conviction because i will be teaching and modeling them in my ministry to young women. i'm excited to see how God is going to use me and where he is going to place me. for now, ky is where he wants me, and i can't wait to get there.

bad day.

i am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day emotionally regarding some junk going on. i haven't cried this hard in a long, long time. i am hurt and i am sad and i am confused. i know God is here, but he is hard to see/hear, what with the tears, snot, and loud sobbing. i really need God's comfort and courage. i have peace that there is a bigger plan, but right now it is hard not to hurt.

Oh me!

Less thank 2 weeks until I leave!! AHH! I am excited. I feel so much relief, peace, and confidence that can only come from God. I can't wait to get there and dive right in to life there.

Angry much?

Just wondering...does anyone else find themselves getting angry for no reason at all, or something very small? I know that as a woman, hormones can affect the way I feel sometimes. But lately, I've been angry...a lot. It's been intermingled with sadness, so maybe it's stress from all the changes happening. Yet, I hate to just make excuses. I would rather figure out what's up and fix the problem. Maybe God's revealing to me another area that I struggle with but don't always notice. Maybe he is magnifying it so that I can work on it. Any thoughts on this? Tips? Suggestions?

New blogger...

Forgot to mention that my sister now has a blog.

Sequins & Stilettos

Tick tock

There are times when 1 hour seems like forever. Then the hour turns into a day. Then 2, then 3. Suddenly a week has passed and you wonder where the time went. Everyday gets a little bit easier, though not completely devoid of thoughts, memories that make some moments so difficult. Letting go is sometimes hard for me. But, starting new is fun and exciting. I love the possibilities and the opportunities to grow, learn, and make new friends.

The countdown continues. I leave in 2 weeks, 2.5 days.

Newness

Do ya like the new header? It's a picture from my Alaska trip. I edited it with some free software (bc I'm too cheap to buy photo editing software). I'm still working on a new layout.

I found out about my dorm room and roommate today. I'm on the 3rd floor (ahh steps!). I've e-mailed my roommate and added her on fb. She seems nice and recently spent time in Alaska. What are the odds? I'm excited to get to KY and meet her!

Ok, that's enough for now.

A lesson in crying

I cry. A lot. Well, a lot for me. Up until college, I had never been much of a crier. I had my moments, sure, but since my first year in college I have cried much more frequently. I'm not sure if this has to do with having people to talk/cry to or if it's just a change in me. On some level, I like crying. It lets me get emotions out, and I usually feel better afterward. On another level, I feel weak when I cry.

I am beginning to learn that for me, crying is a lesson in humility. It is something between God and me. I almost always cry when I pray. I cry if I talk about God. (I should probably note that for now, crying refers to anything from a mere watering of the eyes to sobbing.) I'm not sure of all the lessons God is trying to teach me through my emotions, but as of late I have felt him tugging me strongly. It is hard to put into words because I'm just not sure what is going on. Maybe crying is my "prayer language." By that, I mean that my crying is something I don't always understand and is many times purely between God and me. It is my spirit and my soul crying out for something more, something deeper. For a touch from God. For revelation, direction, guidance. Maybe it is something God has given me to remind me that He is always here for me. He has never left me...and he won't. Though I don't always like crying, it seems to be the water that is growing my relationship with Christ.

Psalm 126:5
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.

HELLO!

Well, well. It's been a week or 2 since my last post. Not much has been happening. I went to Memphis for a week to visit my ex-roommate's sister and her family. Then, I came home and had my annual freak out. During this time I cry, vent, generally feel bad about myself and my abilities, and cry some more. It lasted a couple of days, and now all is well. I got an answer to prayer...yay! I also kept my kids (so sweet)!

Not much on the agenda for this week except to get things completely put away before I have to start packing again. 3 more weeks until the big move to KY! I find out my who my roommate is this week. I am praying she's really nice and not weird, haha. I am really looking forward to seminary! My blog title and posts will probably change then to focusing on my life as a seminary student. We'll see.

I hope all is well with everyone!

a struggle

i have self-esteem issues. i don't know any woman my age who doesn't. i think this stems from not knowing our identities in Christ. we look for happiness and worth in a million other places, whether we are aware of it or not.

my struggle is looking for my worth only in Christ. i tend to look elsewhere. i'm not sure i even know what it means to find my worth or identity in Christ, though i've grown up in church.

my dad makes the observation that i let guys run my life...or however he words it (meaning, i make certain people a priority when they only make me an option). others agree. and it is true. it's not out of love or infatuation, it's out of my need to be needed or wanted. not good. my dad says i of all people shouldn't have low self-esteem. i'm not sure what he means by that...

my question is, whether you are a guy or girl, have you had similar struggles? what did you do to overcome them? how did you find your identity and worth in Christ?

Pray for Stellan

No, I don't know this little boy, but he has a heart condition and is not doing well at all. Please pray! Click here to go to his mom's blog and read the story or here to go to her twitter feed.

updates updates

i suppose an alaska update is due. we left saturday the 4th and got home sunday the 12th. we were traveling a total of 24 hours on each of those days.

• the first day we slept late, visited some of my friend's family, and went to dinner. we didn't have energy for much more than that.
• the second day, kisha and i slept late, walked on the beach and took pictures, and napped. everyone else went fishing and all got sick, except for 1 or 2. we had freshly caught fried halibut for dinner.
• tuesday was spent visiting the shops in Homer, the town where we stayed. dinner was at a somewhat fancy restaurant.
• wednesday we traveled several hours to go take a 6 hr dinner cruise out to a glacier. we saw whales, sea lions, porpoises, and lots of other wildlife. we watched huge pieces break off the glacier. it sounded like thunder. we got home around 1 am.
• thursday we got up at 7 or 7:30 because we had a 4 hr trail ride to get to. we rode on the beach, through rivers and streams, through a trail, and up and down a very steep hill and/or mountain. it was super fun! we had dinner later that evening at another expensive/fancy restaurant.
• friday kisha and i spent recuperating from the horseback ride. we were pretty exhausted and sore. we read, relaxed, and enjoyed the view out the huge windows in the living room of the house where we stayed.
• saturday we attended the wedding of one of kisha's cousins. then we met some people for dinner. we used to go to church with them, and now they live in alaska. after that we headed to the airport.

the trip was great. alaska is beautiful!

this past weekend i went to ohio to visit a friend who is working at a camp there. he is leaving for seminary in seattle in just a few weeks and isn't able to make it back home before then. the drive was around 8 hours, and i traveled alone. i had a good time though. i stayed at the camp and had my own room/bathroom since most of the other counselors were gone for the weekend. i climbed their rock climbing tower thing, and it scared the crap out of me. it was good to just hang out and catch up on life. and get the crap scared out of me. ha.

i should be all moved this week...I HOPE! i am ready to be settled somewhere...right before i am uprooted again. i am still super excited about moving to kentucky! i am looking forward to seminary. i will write more about that later, but this post is already long. until next time...

also...yes i proofread this post but the only thing i tried to fix were spelling errors. i didn't take time to do anything with commas and such. i'm too tired.

Alaska!

I am back!

I got home around 11 or 12 yesterday. I took a shower, ate a quick lunch, and crashed. 24 hours of traveling plus jet lag made for one exhausting trip home.

I will write a post later about the trip, but for now I think I am going to take a nap.

Summer Break!!

Today starts MY summer break!! So far, so good.

My last day of work went well. I got a few gifts, some balloons, and they bought my lunch. I'm going to miss the people there. Then, Katie bought my dinner last night. Oh, and on top of all that, the Hamada's had their baby boy yesterday!! I knew he would arrive to help me celebrate my last day of work :).

Now, I have some coffee brewing, I'm watching tv, and I am about to make waffles. A nice way to start the day.

3 days until Alaska!

Endings...

Tomorrow starts my last 2 days of work. It hasn't sunk in, yet. I think I don't really have time to process stuff right now. I'm leaving work, moving, and going on vacation all in one week. Moving to Kentucky hasn't sunk in either, and probably won't until I get there. I am so excited about all the changes! It is stressful, but not the bad kind of stress. And yes, I cry easily right now. I tend to do that when stressed. But it makes me feel better.

I'm not really worried about anything in regards to moving, except losing my friends here. There are some I've known a looong time who I know will always be here. There are others, though, I'm just not sure about. I know God will send me friends in Kentucky, and I plan to get involved at a church there as soon as I move.

Even though I have one worry, I am filled with so much peace and hope about everything. I know God will take care of it all, and I am trusting him. I appreciate you all praying for me the last several months.

And speaking of prayer requests...I had asked you guys a month or 2 ago to pray for my friend Tommy to find a job before his job ends on Tuesday. Well...he started a new job last week!!! So that means Karen, Kasey, Tommy, and I have all gotten jobs because of God hearing and answering your prayers! It's really cool, if you think about it. Thanks again for the prayers, and don't you dare quit praying for me! :)

I am pretty sure...

...that Jon and Kate don't get it. They don't understand that your spouse and your marriage come before your children. I'm sure if those kids could choose between all the toys in the world and having their parents happy and together, they would pick the latter. And...Jon and Kate haven't mentioned God at all.

Watching their demise saddens and scares me. Of course I don't know the whole situation, but I feel as though Kate is playing the victim role and trying to blame Jon for everything. She tries to act like she only thinks about the kids and Jon only thinks about himself. At least she seems to be remorseful for her years of being so hard on Jon. And at least she wants to save her marriage. Sigh. This is all just so sad. What's funny is...I'm worried about people I don't even know.

I guess all we can do is pray for them.

Banana Bread

Monday starts my last full week of work. I haven't really been thinking about it. I move back into my parents house probably next weekend. Then the next weekend I leave for Alaska. The weekend after that I come home from Alaska. And the weekend after that I am probably going to visit a friend. It's a busy summer, just like I wanted.

Last night, I made 2 loaves of banana bread for my bff. (He had some extra bananas and it was enough for 2 loaves, so 2 he got). He said it was really good. Today, I made 2 more loaves of plain banana bread...one for my dad, and one for Liz and me. It turned out delicious.

I slept til 11:30 today, but could still take a nap. I've been curled up on the couch watching free movies on demand. I need to venture out later to get my dad's father's day present. Mom, Amy, and I already bought him a few little things but we found out he wants an ipod. So, I will go get that tonight.

Did I mention I got my nose pierced? My mom likes it. Dad hasn't seen it, yet. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I like it.

Ok...time to get back to the movie ("Dan in Real Life").

Have I told you lately...

...that I hate storms? Because I do. A LOT. Please pray that the storms dissipate before they get here. Please, please, please. I hate storms.

Oh Monday...

It has been a long day.

After work, I made some delicious pasta. It took me a while because I am not a whiz in the food prep department. I am more of a throw stuff in the mixer then pour in a pan kind of woman. Chopping and such is not my forte. But, I did have fun and the pasta turned out really well even though I had to modify the recipe a bit. Richie liked it a lot, and I sent most of it home with him because I could never eat all of it. Now, I am headed to bed. I've got the headache I get when I am tired. That usually means I sleep well.

Goodnight.

Oh...and my injured fingers are actually doing really well. One is still swollen, but they don't hurt too much. Yay.

Sunday, not fun day

Today I shut the car door on my hand. It was bizarre when I turned to see my hand in the closed door. I couldn't feel it. I got inside the church (where I was working), and the pain hit me, along with feeling sick at my stomach and lightheaded. Yuck. Put some bandaids and ice on my fingers. They're much better now. I didn't cry. Yes, I wanted to.

Next, a baby spit up on my foot. It was all over my flip flop and between my toes. Gross.

And finally, I made some roasted (red) potatoes for lunch. They are currently my favorite thing to cook because they are easy and yummy.

Time for a nap!

ZzzZzzzz

So every day this week I have come home from work and crashed. I usually only sleep a half hour to an hour, but yesterday I slept 2 hours, meaning I woke up around 7:30 p.m. Today, I took the afternoon off and slept from about 2:30-5:00. I have no idea why I am so tired. I went to bed late Saturday night and was busy all day Sunday, so maybe I am just trying to get caught up. Who knows?

My roommate STILL isn't home. I haven't seen her since........last Friday or Saturday. I miss her!

Only three weeks until my Alaska trip! My last day of work is Tuesday the 30th, and I leave for Alaska on Saturday the 4th. I will miss my friends at work, for sure. I will not miss being bored. Since it's summertime and school is out, my job has sloooowed to a halt.

I miss Amanda.

That's all.

Work Boredom

Not much happening around here (work) today. I finally registered for classes and did my online student loan interview thingamajig. THEN, since I was bored, I started playing with photobooth. Here is the result of my friend Amy making me laugh in the middle of my photobooth photo session. I don't remember what she said that was so funny.

Nothing, really

It seems like I haven't posted in a while, but it's only been 6 days. That's not THAT long. I am still tired. Maybe I am always tired. Something to think upon, I suppose. I've been working, sleeping, and playing with Richie's new dog, Lucy. She is a white pit bull with 2 different colored eyes. She looks a lot like Karen's dog (Daisy), may she rest in peace. Speaking of Karen...I stopped by the other day to see the baby's room. Yeah, it is totally way cuter than the picture on her blog suggests and the furniture is beautiful. Karen is a cute pregnant lady, but the belly totally creeps me (and Jay) out!! I did get to feel Rory kick, though! I was quite excited. I love spending time with Jay and Karen because they let me eat their food and talk as much as I want :). But really, I just enjoy being around them.

Tonight, I am babysitting. The girls and I are going to make flower pens, if all goes as planned. Nicholas can make one, too, if he wants. I love the kids, so they will be a perfect ending to an already much better than usual day.

Oh, and the information that you probably don't want to know...the accutane is causing my nose to bleed and my lips to stay constantly chapped. They feel yucky. Of course, my face is really dry, too. I will be glad when my skin is clear and I don't have to take this medicine anymore!

Can I sleep until June 30th?

What's left from last night's to-do list:

• Do my online loan entrance interview so that I can then accept my loans for Asbury. Wow, the number on the screen is huge! But, I know I am following God's plan. I know he will provide. I love the peace that comes with trusting God.
• Register for classes!!!!!
• Clean my room!

None of that is happening tonight. Work is wearing me out. Not having my own space and desk is just...I don't know, but it's not good! Sometimes I feel like I can barely breathe, much less think and work. So each night when I get home, I don't do anything I don't HAVE to do. I ate, showered, did laundry, and slept last night. Anything else just was NOT happening. I finished up my work stuff at work today...what a novel idea! There was an empty office today because someone had the day off, so I took it over for a couple hours and got all my stuff done. I wrote my last report today...woohoo! 3 weeks and 5 days until my last work day!!

Oh and I just remembered, I have lots of packing to do before moving at the end of this month! Booooooooooooooooo!

Busy, busy

Tonight I have to/need to:

• Finish some stuff for work. Type up a document and also fill in my contact logs for the last 2 weeks.
• LAUNDRY!
• Do my online loan entrance interview so that I can then accept my loans for Asbury. Wow, the number on the screen is huge! But, I know I am following God's plan. I know he will provide. I love the peace that comes with trusting God.
• Register for classes!!!!!
• Clean my room!
• Shower.
• Cook and eat dinner.
• SLEEP!

Man oh man I am tired just thinking about all that, and for a quick second or 2 I got overwhelmed. But it's all okay. I can get it done. I am so excited for all the great things happening in my life!

Headache!

I am not one to have many headaches, and if I do they rarely get me down. But ugghhh I have had a headache ALL day today! I'm not sure if it's sinus pressure or from allergies, but it needs to go! I've gone about my day like I normally would because I thought maybe if I got my attention off of it, it would go away. No luck. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning! 22 more work days to go! 4 weeks and 2 days total until my last day!!! Can you feel my excitement?

Bits and pieces

First- Jeremy came home from the hospital yesterday! Thanks to everyone for praying!

Second- I went to my dermatologist yesterday to get my Accutane prescription. He informed me that my cholesterol is slightly high and that I will probably want to eat low fat/low cholesterol while on the Accutane because it can make your levels spike. This news wasn't overly surprising because I remember my pediatrician telling me when I was bout 8 that I had high cholesterol. SO now I'm all freaking out about heart disease and such and spent $53 at Kroger stocking up on yummy food that is also good for me. I will also start exercising. In fact, I walked from my house to CVS and back today (according to mapquest, it's 2.88 miles round trip). I might as well use the high cholesterol as motivation to take care of myself and get healthy.

Third- I finally got my Chacos. I wound up having to order the wide size (I have a wide foot...eep!), which they didn't have in the color I originally wanted. So, I got these:

So far I like them, even though I have blisters on my feet at the moment. Once I get them worn in it shouldn't be a problem.

Seminary Bound!!

I got my e-mail of acceptance today!!! YAY!

It's official

My last day of work will be June 30th. I turned in my notice today. I will also be moving back in with my parents (I plan on staying gone a lot) at the end of June. The first week of July is my trip to Alaska, and I may have some random trips along the way. I am SUPER excited! As far as school goes, I am waiting for Asbury to do a background check and then hopefully accepting me! I will move to KY at the end of August and start classes in September. :)

*Edit*
One of my references didn't go through as planned. Please pray this gets resolved quickly and satisfactorily. Thanks.

Prayer Request Update #3

Jeremy is doing much better today. They are doing an MRI tomorrow to see what it says and will then go from there. Keep him in your prayers and pray that the MRI comes back with good results! Thanks so much, guys!

Related Posts:
Prayer Request
Keep Praying
Update #1
Update #2

Prayer Request Update #2

Please keep praying for Jeremy. He had another seizure yesterday morning and very rough night Friday night. I haven't heard anything today but will let you know when I do. Thanks again for your prayers! I know they appreciate them so much.

Thoughts on the Gosselins

I really hope that Jon and Kate can work out their problems and stay together. I hope that they seek God in this time and do what is best in the eyes of God and best for their children. Everyone struggles, everyone stumbles. Jon and Kate are no different and shouldn't be expected to be perfect just because they are in front of the camera. As professed Christians, there are certain expectations, but let us not forget to have compassion and mercy. As silly as it may seem for me to care about a family I only know through TV, I am really rooting for The Gosselins. They are real people with real children. They are human. Gossip is gossip, whether it's about someone we know or about a "celebrity" on tv. We should speak words that build people up, words that encourage and inspire. We should speak truth. (A post on lies and deception is for another day...). I hope that Jon and Kate have friends, pastors, family, or anyone who can minister to them during this time, intercede to God on their behalf, and help them find their way. I pray they will trust God enough to follow his voice, even if that means ending their show or a decrease in their income. I pray they get their priorities in order and realize that an ongoing, growing relationship with God is essential to being a good spouse and parent. I pray that they realize how important a loving and caring marriage centered around God is to being a good parent. I always feel sad for the children in these situations. They are innocent and usually the ones hurt the most. May God restore this family. Or maybe I should say, I pray the family chooses God's restoration and healing.

Prayer Request Update

Jeremy is doing "a lot better." Today, they said he has meningococcal encephalitis. Thanks to those who have prayed/are praying for Jeremy. I know his friends and family really appreciate it.

Please keep praying...

...for Jeremy. He is in ICU. He had a couple seizures the last few days and is disoriented. Please, please pray for God's healing. Also, please remember Jeremy's family and friends, as they are very worried about him. Pray that God would give them peace and faith. Thanks!

URGENT prayer request

One of my bff's friends (and acquaintance of mine), Jeremy, has meningitis and is not doing well. Please pray for him and his family. Thanks.

I got nothin...

In the words of the loser of the name-calling battles that CJB and I have...I got nothin'. Nothin' to blog about, that is. There has been plenty going on, but nothing that seems good fodder for my little piece of the blogosphere. Work is fine. Friends are great. Mexican food is wonderful. I had it 3 times last week. Oh wait...here's something I can share. I am getting a pair of Chacos for my trip to Alaska. Not everyone likes them, so I do not care if you think they are ugly. And yes, Alaska will not be hot. Once again, I don't care. It will be upper 50's, maybe low 60's. Don't hate.

I went to look at them last week and was going to buy a pair, but they didn't have my size. I relayed this information to a friend, and what did he do? He went out and bought himself a pair (in orange), just to rub in my face! What a loser! :)

Some prayer requests

Hello, My Blog (and real life) Friends (and family). I have some requests, and I feel led to ask for YOUR (meaning those who read my blog) prayers. Some reasons for this:

• You guys are great "prayer warriors"
• I know that you love me and God
• I know that you will pray for my requests, but ultimately God's will
• Something on my heart is prompting me to ask

My requests are:

• God will provide the funding for my education.
• God will provide the funding for me to visit the little girl I sponsor through Compassion International. Her name is Maureen.
  
• God will provide the funding for me to support Maureen in Compassion's Leadership Development Program once she graduates highschool (she's only 12).
• God will heal Maureen's mother and soften her father's heart so that he will be changed.
• God will use Maureen in a mighty way and fully develop the potential he has placed in her.
• God will not let Maureen go a day where she feels unloved, unwanted, or unworthy. He will always wrap her in his love.
  
• God will provide my bff Tommy with a job BEFORE his current job ends June 30th.

I have intentionally listed these requests as statements because I am believing that God will provide. If you feel led, please pray in agreement with me and send up any other prayers God lays on your heart. I appreciate you all so much.

i hate tornados

oh my word, have i mentioned that it will be sometime in June and maybe even JULY before we are back in our normal work building?? AHHHH! i am going to go crazy not having my own space!!!!

please pray that school works out for me!

Question of the day

How is illegal to kill an unborn child, yet abortion is legal? That makes no sense to me. Are they not the same thing?

GONE!!

Soooo...I just deleted both my myspace AND my facebook accounts. Well...I "deactivated" them. I am still reachable (obviously) through this lovely blog and also e-mail....sayruh.noel {at} gmail {dot} com.

It's been a little while...

...but here i am. Work is still ridiculous, as I have no office, no desk, and no space of my own except for a box that has some of my notebooks in it. It's super frustrating, and we won't be back in our old building anytime soon.

All of my admissions stuff for Asbury is almost complete. I just have to get 2 more references turned in, and I should be good to go. I'm excited!

Last night, Katie and I made homemade tiramisu. It turned out really well and was delicious. KB, I will make some for Jay sometime :). Tell lil Baby Rory that I love her!

My trip to Alaska is only a couple months away. Yay! I'm taking a little roadtrip at the end of this month to pick up my friend Barry from the Appalachian trail. He is hiking 200 miles. Ridiculous. Katie is going with me so we are going to go down a day early and spend the night somewhere. Should be fun!!

Now, I am off to Green Hills with mi hermana y mama.

Can I be honest?

I have been feeling/thinking overwhelmingly negative lately.
About myself.
About others.
I am being honest when I say I don't mean to think this way.
I know the reason I think/feel negatively about others is because I'm projecting my feelings towards myself onto them.
I need the negative thoughts to stop.
I need confidence or esteem or something.
I would appreciate your prayers, Bible verses I could read, or any ideas you think would help.

Besides that, I have so many ideas, thoughts, etc. turning over in my head. What do I think about this? What do I believe about that? What would I want to teach my own children, if I had them? Answers, answers, answers. I am constantly looking for them. I bounce so quickly from one idea to the next and fill my head with so much useless noise, I don't know how I expect to ever get any answers. I think too much. I need to live more.

I should choose positive over negative. Good over bad. Right over wrong. Believing over doubting.

oh goodness!

I am freaking out at the thought of taking out student loans. FREAKING OUT.

The visit....

...went really well.

• The campus is tiny, but nice.
• Everyone we met (and we met a lot of people) was really nice.
• The dorm wasn't bad.
• We really enjoyed chapel...even if they did call my name and make me stand up in front of everyone. Ew!
• My parents REALLY liked the school and had a great time touring it with me.
  

I am being cautiously optimistic about the whole thing and would appreciate your prayers. I'll let you know when I have made a decision about it.

Update on my office

My office is "habitable- repairs necessary." That means we can go in to get stuff out, but can't work out of it until it's brought back up to code. The back wall is peeled away from the floor leaving a gap. Insulation and ceiling tiles are in the floor in the waiting room. The mailbox and brick sign are completely gone. If the tornado had moved just a few feet over, it would have torn the building apart. That's quite a scary thought! The building needs all new siding and a few other repairs, meaning we won't be back in it for at least a month. So, they have us working out of another one of the company's offices in town. We are spread out over three floors. I was not happy about that this morning, but by the afternoon they had moved me and my friends to the same floor and in close proximity to each other. We were so glad!! We were having some separation anxiety, on top of the stress of being in a new office.

I am ready for the storms and rain to be gone. I am very jumpy/antsy/nervous now when I hear the slightest bit of rain or wind. My heart starts beating fast, and I have to fight back the tears. That's the main reason I'm typing this right now...to take my mind off the pouring rain.

Tomorrow

We are meeting in the parking lot of our office at 8:30 with flashlights. The CEO of the company is meeting us there, then we are all going inside to get stuff out.

Good Friday

These are from my neighborhood. A car went through the front of the house.

This house is sitting on top of another house. That's actually the bonus room that was over the garage. The rest of the two houses is gone.



These pictures are taken from the parking lot at my work looking at the nursery nextdoor. There is literally only a driveway wide enough for one car between us and them. The buildings are gone. Our building (not pictured) is still standing, but the roof is collapsed. The building across the street was heavily damaged. A building on the other side of the nursery was destroyed. Thank the Lord it was good Friday and no one was in my office. The damage all along the storm path is unbelievable. It's hard to comprehend even after seeing it in person. Oh...tornadoes really do sound like trains.