Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I am home. I've been here since Thursday. I am, of course, staying at my parents'. It is not my home, nor is Shelbyville. My home is Snyder Court or Sitting Bull Crossing. My home is Murfreesboro. Being in Shelbyville for an extended period of time is hard for me. I've stayed gone a lot so far, and tomorrow we leave for Gatlinburg. If I get a home (house or apt) in KY, my parents said they wouldn't move my furniture for me. Oh well...I know Richie will help me get the stuff to KY, and I have friends in KY who will help me move it in. I just want a home. I was excited for the holidays, but now not so much. Something about here feels cold and lonely. That could be for several reasons that have nothing to do with my family. Whatever the reason, being here depresses me. Don't tell my mom or she will yell at me and say I'm just trying to hurt her feelings.

On a happier note, it's been great seeing all my friends!! And of course, I've seen my favorite cousins except for CJB. I have stayed busy trying to see everyone.

I head back to school on Saturday from Gatlinburg. I'll be happy to be back and wrap up the semester. I have a lot to do!

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

Saturday, November 14, 2009


I'm ready to graduate and/or move. Perhaps online classes would solve my predicament? Or maybe (and most likely) I just need a break.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

God is Able

This is from my friend Erika's blog:

Johnny Bare

April 1990. We moved in at 894 Irma Drive.
That's when I met the Bare family.
Jodi specifically. We are close in age.

So many memories.

Almost 20 years.

Johnny Bare is 57 years old. He recently retired early.
He & his wife, Barbara, sold their house of 30 years on Irma Court.
They moved to the Atlanta area. Roswell specifically.
Barbara's mom is 85 and in her final years. She wanted to help care for her.

With all their children grown, in stable marriages with stable jobs, their own lives, they packed up their life in Tennessee and moved 4 hours away.

John just bought a boat. He's always loved to fish.

He, his wife & sister in law/Barbara's sister, Patsy, took the boat out on the lake Sunday. November 8th. I wonder if they ever thought they'd retire and move away to GA. Enjoying their 'golden years' together.

After spending some time at the lake, they prepared to leave. John collapsed. Unconscious.

Several years back, I remember him having a brain tumor. It was inoperable.

John suffered a stroke that day. They found bleeding around his brain. He has paralysis on his right side, he's unable to speak & aspirates on liquid.

The doctor has said the damage is permanant.

John is aware of what is going on. He cried when the speech therapist tried to work with him. He cried when the doctor said the stroke was severe and the damage is permanant. He cried when his children came into the room.

He expected a new life. A life of relaxation, leisure. Whatever he wanted to do.

This whole situation makes me so sad.

Since being in the hospital, he's had an MRI showing the bleeding has stopped. He had some swelling as well but that has since stopped. He has experienced some discomfort. He is only able to take liquid tylenol at this time. He sleeps alot. His blood pressure has been unstable. They feel it could be from over-stimulation. He's also had a fever but that has stabilized.

I know when your parents are in such a situation, you feel like you have to be the strong one. They have 3 children. Jessica, Josh & Jodi. I know that they must be feeling overwhelmed. They must be wondering why they are going through this. I'm sure they're wondering where they go from here. How much of this is really permanant? What is life going to be like now?

I honestly don't see how people make it without the Lord. I'm so glad that this family has faith in God. They know where their help will come from. They know who to call on.

As long as there's breath, there's hope.

Miracle. John needs a miracle.

With God, ALL things are possible.

Stroke is just a word to God.

By His stripes, we ARE healed.

Everyone who's reading this & believes in miracles that only come from a mighty, merciful, amazing God - please pray for this family. Pray for healing, strength, comfort & peace. Pray for the medical staff caring for him. Pray that this situation can be a testimony to unbelievers. God is more than able.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I hate that train...

There is a train that runs very close to our dorm. It's so loud. I really hate it.

In related news, I surely do not love living in the seminary bubble. It's a small school, so people assume that your business is their business. If you hang out with a member of the opposite sex, everyone assumes you like the person and/or that you are dating that person. Then they talk about it and come asking questions like they're your BFF. And then I snap on them. Yes. I let a girl have it and told her to stay out of my business. She still tries to invade my space and hug me and such. I am not a touch person. Seminary will be the death of me...or the person who keeps touching me.

Classes are going fine. I'm behind on reading, but I'll catch up sometime. I'm still not sure what path God is leading me down, as far as vocation. I'm having a hard time just "being" and waiting and trusting. I know what God has put in my heart, but I'm really confused and starting to get discouraged. This week has been kinda tough for me mentally and emotionally because of that. I feel out of place and a bit insecure. I will never be the quiet, sweet, pious woman that I feel pressured to be. I am not happy all the time. I rarely wear makeup and rarely wear anything besides jeans and a t-shirt. I am just myself, and I am so afraid that isn't good enough. I know, God made who I am and he wants to use me just as I am and all of that. I have tons of friends here who love me and tell me so ALL the time. I know all this. I'm just being human. I feel inadequate. I feel useless. I feel lonely. I feel like no one is ever going to want me. Will I ever feel any different? And if I can't get this all figured out, how in the world will I ever be able to minister to girls and young women?