Packing

I hate packing, unpacking, and cleaning. I leave Monday and haven't packed the first thing. It will get done tomorrow, I guess. Lots and lots to do. Oooh...I need to defrost my mini fridge. I better do that tonight.

My face is broken out, and I am wearing my retainer. I feel 13.

Sorry for the randomness and scatter brained-ness of this post. I'm sure once I get to KY I will have much more to blog about.

Well........

I turned in my scholarship application. I am hoping I get the scholarship, but I am praying for God's will. He will provide, one way or the other. God is good! If you don't mind, please be praying, too. It's full tuition...FULL TUITION!!!! I will let you all know as soon as I know anything.

By the way, Rory is so absolutely precious that I can hardly stand it. I can't believe I'm moving 4 hours away from her. She is already a huge blessing to our family. I'm looking forward to watching her grow up, but I want her to stay little. I just love her!

Ok...

I'm ready to stop crying now.

I can't think of a good title

It's no secret that seminary is going to cost me a lot of money, and I have been trusting God to provide. I have already arranged to take out student loans and have trusted that God would help me pay them off once I got out of school. This afternoon, however, I got a notice to apply for the presidential scholarship. This scholarship covers tuition for my whole time at Asbury. The really amazing/exciting part about it is that normally the application for this scholarship is due in the Spring before your first semester. I missed that date because I did not apply for school until May. Now, for some reason, the date is September 1st!! God has provided me an opportunity that there was no chance of me having before. Please pray that I get this scholarship, if it is God's will. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I know either way God has already provided and will continue to do so. Pray, pray, pray!

I love that baby!

Have I told you lately that I love Rory? Because I do. I saw her again yesterday but didn't make it back today. I will hopefully see her tomorrow. They should be coming home from the hospital tomorrow afternoon. Man, I love that baby! She is so perfect and soooo good! I got to hold her quite a bit yesterday. She is the only baby that's ever made me cry (in a good way). If I hadn't been so young when Caleb (Amanda's son) was born, I'm sure I would have cried about him, too. It's great to have family you love, but it's GREAT to have family that you LOVE...and also like. I am so thankful for my aunt and uncle and Amanda, Caleb, Karen, Jay, and now baby Rory. I am so blessed!

Lorelai Ann

Karen had Lorelai yesterday at 2:40 p.m. She had to have a c-section, and they had to put her all the way under because the epidural wasn't working adequately. Karen woke up in a lot of pain. She was still hurting pretty bad last night. I haven't heard any updates today.

Lorelai, or Rory as we will probably call her, is beautiful! She has full cheeks and HEALTHY lungs!! That girl is loud! She screamed and screamed when they first brought her out, as they bathed and dressed her, and as they did nothing to her. She finally went to sleep. We got to hold her last night after Karen woke up. She is just precious! I love her, I love her, I love her! Congrats Jay and Karen!! Oh by the way, since Lorelai was born yesterday, she and her daddy have the same birthday! Fun, no?

I'll make the great escape...

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NASB)

My temptation is to trust in myself and choose other things over God, as you can see from my last couple posts. But, He has given me an escape. He has provided a way out, in more ways than one. It is my choice to escape or give in. As I said in my previous post, I am choosing God. Sometimes it physically hurts, but I know that is part of the process of growth and change. Thanks for the sweet comments some of you have left. I appreciate your prayers so much.

a better night

From an e-mail I sent a little bit ago:

ok, i am recovered from my feeling down today. i can choose to follow/trust/believe God, or i can wallow and be sad. following God is a daily decision, and sometimes a moment to moment decision...and i'm choosing God. I want God's will for my life. i want to have his desires. i know the kind of ministry where God is going to use me, and unless i start choosing Him now, choosing his truth, his will, his plan, He will never be able to use me. i want to walk in His power and His grace. i am forgiven, i am loved, i am worthy. these are all messages God has been saying to me for years, and they are the messages i have to live with conviction because i will be teaching and modeling them in my ministry to young women. i'm excited to see how God is going to use me and where he is going to place me. for now, ky is where he wants me, and i can't wait to get there.

bad day.

i am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day emotionally regarding some junk going on. i haven't cried this hard in a long, long time. i am hurt and i am sad and i am confused. i know God is here, but he is hard to see/hear, what with the tears, snot, and loud sobbing. i really need God's comfort and courage. i have peace that there is a bigger plan, but right now it is hard not to hurt.

Oh me!

Less thank 2 weeks until I leave!! AHH! I am excited. I feel so much relief, peace, and confidence that can only come from God. I can't wait to get there and dive right in to life there.

Angry much?

Just wondering...does anyone else find themselves getting angry for no reason at all, or something very small? I know that as a woman, hormones can affect the way I feel sometimes. But lately, I've been angry...a lot. It's been intermingled with sadness, so maybe it's stress from all the changes happening. Yet, I hate to just make excuses. I would rather figure out what's up and fix the problem. Maybe God's revealing to me another area that I struggle with but don't always notice. Maybe he is magnifying it so that I can work on it. Any thoughts on this? Tips? Suggestions?

New blogger...

Forgot to mention that my sister now has a blog.

Sequins & Stilettos

Tick tock

There are times when 1 hour seems like forever. Then the hour turns into a day. Then 2, then 3. Suddenly a week has passed and you wonder where the time went. Everyday gets a little bit easier, though not completely devoid of thoughts, memories that make some moments so difficult. Letting go is sometimes hard for me. But, starting new is fun and exciting. I love the possibilities and the opportunities to grow, learn, and make new friends.

The countdown continues. I leave in 2 weeks, 2.5 days.

Newness

Do ya like the new header? It's a picture from my Alaska trip. I edited it with some free software (bc I'm too cheap to buy photo editing software). I'm still working on a new layout.

I found out about my dorm room and roommate today. I'm on the 3rd floor (ahh steps!). I've e-mailed my roommate and added her on fb. She seems nice and recently spent time in Alaska. What are the odds? I'm excited to get to KY and meet her!

Ok, that's enough for now.

A lesson in crying

I cry. A lot. Well, a lot for me. Up until college, I had never been much of a crier. I had my moments, sure, but since my first year in college I have cried much more frequently. I'm not sure if this has to do with having people to talk/cry to or if it's just a change in me. On some level, I like crying. It lets me get emotions out, and I usually feel better afterward. On another level, I feel weak when I cry.

I am beginning to learn that for me, crying is a lesson in humility. It is something between God and me. I almost always cry when I pray. I cry if I talk about God. (I should probably note that for now, crying refers to anything from a mere watering of the eyes to sobbing.) I'm not sure of all the lessons God is trying to teach me through my emotions, but as of late I have felt him tugging me strongly. It is hard to put into words because I'm just not sure what is going on. Maybe crying is my "prayer language." By that, I mean that my crying is something I don't always understand and is many times purely between God and me. It is my spirit and my soul crying out for something more, something deeper. For a touch from God. For revelation, direction, guidance. Maybe it is something God has given me to remind me that He is always here for me. He has never left me...and he won't. Though I don't always like crying, it seems to be the water that is growing my relationship with Christ.

Psalm 126:5
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.

HELLO!

Well, well. It's been a week or 2 since my last post. Not much has been happening. I went to Memphis for a week to visit my ex-roommate's sister and her family. Then, I came home and had my annual freak out. During this time I cry, vent, generally feel bad about myself and my abilities, and cry some more. It lasted a couple of days, and now all is well. I got an answer to prayer...yay! I also kept my kids (so sweet)!

Not much on the agenda for this week except to get things completely put away before I have to start packing again. 3 more weeks until the big move to KY! I find out my who my roommate is this week. I am praying she's really nice and not weird, haha. I am really looking forward to seminary! My blog title and posts will probably change then to focusing on my life as a seminary student. We'll see.

I hope all is well with everyone!