Monday, June 7, 2010

I hate coming up with titles

I have neglected this here blog. I think so much most of the time that writing on here feels like work sometimes. I also have been busy with school. Anyhoo...I am home at my parents' for the summer. So far it has been good and restful.

Micah is in Michigan working at a summer camp, and I miss him much more than I expected. It's crazy how much our relationship has evolved and deepened in a relatively short period of time. I never really thought I would find a person who loves me like he does, and I never thought I would love anyone like I love him. I don't mean the sappy, warm-fuzzy feelings love- I mean the kind of love where you love the whole person, not just the parts that make you feel warm and fuzzy. Our love for each other comes naturally, but that's not to say we don't put a lot of work or effort into the relationship. We had the luxury (or misfortune) to put a lot of our "junk" out in the open at the beginning. Getting to know each other and our junk- and then working through that junk- is/has not been easy. I have had major doubts along the way, but I have trusted God to guide my steps and reveal where this relationship needs to go and if it needs to end. He has been more than faithful, and this month marks 7 months since we started dating! :)

I am still processing my first year in seminary. I love being able to identify ways God has worked and is working in me. I had been sensing that he was leading me to minister not just to young women but women of all ages, and He has recently been confirming that. It worries me a bit to say that out loud (or in print) because I don't want to get pegged into the women's ministry role as if there were no other place for me. I believe women can be leaders in ministry, whether it be to women, children/youth, or whole congregations. I see such a need for women to find their identities in Christ and let go of pride, insecurity, and jealousy. I could write a whole post on this topic but that would take a long time. Moving on...

God is tirelessly working on me, and a lot of the time it hurts. He has changed me a lot, though it took a while for me to notice even the slightest thing. Now I can see how my mindset about many things has changed, how my thoughts have changed. I haven't just sat around waiting for change to happen. I have worked to let go of things that bring me down and do not build up the Church, i.e. gossip (including celebrity gossip). Gossip is hurtful and divisive, whether I know the person or not. I am trying to see people in the image of God, as God's prized creations, not as commodities to be consumed. I want to be love. I want to give love. My mom says she has noticed a (positive) difference in me. That compliment wasn't received as a source of pride but as encouragement to pursue God even more. It is relieving and motivating to know that God hasn't given up on me, nor will he ever.

As much as I hate the school aspect of Asbury, I am certain that it is where God wants me. He has thrown me into a place where I MUST deal with my crap, where I won't be let off the hook. He has surrounded me with people who love and challenge me. He has given me Micah. He has revealed his love for and to me. I am so thankful.

PS- I turned comments off because I kept getting spam. Feel free to leave a comment or message on Facebook.

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