Monday, August 8, 2011
Bittersweet
As I reflect on all the changes that will be taking place over the next few months and the excitement that comes along with new adventures, Micah and I are aware that it will definitely be hard to move away from our friends here. We don't know if we will move out of this area, but if we do we will be leaving some great people. Plus, we are really starting to like Lexington. We would be okay living there. I am thankful for the time we have spent here and for the our friends.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Rain, Rain...
...go away. Well, I really don't mind the rain so much as the gloomyness that comes along with it. As I type I am sitting on campus avoiding the rain and storms. I hate to be home alone when it storms. The worst has passed, I suppose, but I have to get gas on my way home and I certainly don't want to do that with it still lightning outside. Also, I need to go to the bookstore before leaving campus so I can buy and start reading some books for class.
I was able to have a quiet time before coming to campus this morning. Randomly the other day, I realized that my bedroom is so much more inviting when the curtains and blinds are open and my bed is made. That might sound silly, but I have been needing/craving a cozy place to read, pray, and think. It's like God opened my eyes and suddenly I could see the potential in my room. I am grateful. Now I can start each morning by letting the sun in the windows, making my bed, and having my quiet time with the Lord. It gives a sense of purpose and direction to my day while also letting me feel a bit productive. That gives me motivation to finish other things on my to-do list.
I am thankful for what might seem like small blessings that God provides. It really is the small things that make up and enrich life. If I'm being honest, though, I have been very discontent lately as I read about my friends and acquaintances getting great jobs, moving exciting places, and doing big things for the Lord. I just keep wondering what God has in store for Micah and me. I begin to get really excited, but then I feel afraid to get my hopes up. It's not that I think God will let me down; it's that I don't want to disappoint myself. I don't want to have unrealistic expectations and hopes that are not in God's plan for me. Yes, I realize that as I seek him he will bring my hopes and desires in line with His. It's just that I am feeling a little insecure in life right now (as if that isn't obvious). As I wrote the other day, I refuse to sit around worrying about things. I just need to vent and hear what I'm thinking. Things make more sense that way and then seem so much smaller and lighter.
I was able to have a quiet time before coming to campus this morning. Randomly the other day, I realized that my bedroom is so much more inviting when the curtains and blinds are open and my bed is made. That might sound silly, but I have been needing/craving a cozy place to read, pray, and think. It's like God opened my eyes and suddenly I could see the potential in my room. I am grateful. Now I can start each morning by letting the sun in the windows, making my bed, and having my quiet time with the Lord. It gives a sense of purpose and direction to my day while also letting me feel a bit productive. That gives me motivation to finish other things on my to-do list.
I am thankful for what might seem like small blessings that God provides. It really is the small things that make up and enrich life. If I'm being honest, though, I have been very discontent lately as I read about my friends and acquaintances getting great jobs, moving exciting places, and doing big things for the Lord. I just keep wondering what God has in store for Micah and me. I begin to get really excited, but then I feel afraid to get my hopes up. It's not that I think God will let me down; it's that I don't want to disappoint myself. I don't want to have unrealistic expectations and hopes that are not in God's plan for me. Yes, I realize that as I seek him he will bring my hopes and desires in line with His. It's just that I am feeling a little insecure in life right now (as if that isn't obvious). As I wrote the other day, I refuse to sit around worrying about things. I just need to vent and hear what I'm thinking. Things make more sense that way and then seem so much smaller and lighter.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Decisions, Decisions
I graduate in 4 months. FOUR. Micah and I need to find jobs and a new home in that time. We probably have 5 months before we have to be out of our townhouse, but I would love to have jobs and a home lined up before then. It's intimidating and fear-inducing when you're not sure what direction God is leading and with the economy and job market in their current state. I think that's what scares me the most. I have wondered/asked God several times, "How are you going to give me a job when there aren't any?" Then I remember, "Oh yeah...you're God!" I am determined to not let the worry consume me, and right now that is a moment-to-moment process. But I want to enjoy life right now and look forward to what God has in store for me. I don't want to be miserable, and why should I be? God is our provider, and he has never left me without a roof over my head or food to eat. He has always provided for my needs, whether that means giving me great friends, an affordable home, or scholarships at school. For that I am grateful. God is faithful and has proven himself over and over. The least I can do is trust him. God knows what I need more than I do. In my commitment to trust him, I am making a list of what we need when we move. I am committing these things to God:
- Jobs
- that we love
- that allow us to serve God and fulfill his calling on our lives
- that allow us to provide for our needs
- A nice and affordable place to live
- Friends
- A great church
- Courage
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