Daddy

Last night, probably for the first time, I experienced God as "Daddy." I've had no problem seeing God as Father. It's more formal and a bit more distant. My relationship with my daddy (Eddie) is a worn-in relationship full of trust and mutual love. Relating to God in that way seemed impossible to me, though it was never something I worried about. Last night, I was spending time in my room seeking quiet and solitude when I began to talk to God. I talked to him like I talk to my dad when something is wrong or when I just need someone to listen to me. I began crying, hard. As I cried and talked, I felt God's loving presence around me. I felt my daddy. My mind took me back to the image of me crying in bed several years ago while my dad sat beside me patting my back. Though I was heartbroken at the time, it was a special moment for me and the epitome of a wonderful daddy/daughter relationship. Last night, I had that same experience with God. He became Daddy. I told him how I was feeling, and I felt him listening and wrapping me with his presence. It felt like I was talking to someone sitting right in front of me. He let me cry and talk as He listened. It was so bizarre (in a good way). All I know is that He was there. He let me be. He didn't reprimand or judge me. He didn't try to give advice. He was just there.

I often get caught up in what God is trying to say to me or teach me. I assume that there is always something to be actively learned and changed. And while that may be true, there are times when God just wants us to be. He wants us to rest in the fact that we are His beloved children. And, I think there are times when he just wants to be Daddy- not disciplinarian, not therapist, not the one with all the answers. Just Daddy. I am thankful for a God who loves me as his beloved daughter and lets me call him Daddy.